


Love Will Have Its Sacrifices

by teenahlee



Category: Carmilla (Web Series)
Genre: Alternate Universe, F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-03
Updated: 2016-06-03
Packaged: 2018-07-12 00:47:05
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,684
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7077616
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/teenahlee/pseuds/teenahlee
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Five. My life changed exactly five times before I had the opportunity to fall in love with you, my dearest Laura. Fruit Snack. Cupcake. Creampuff. Laura.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Love Will Have Its Sacrifices

**Author's Note:**

  * For [23_5](https://archiveofourown.org/users/23_5/gifts), [thedoctorswolf](https://archiveofourown.org/users/thedoctorswolf/gifts).



> Enjoy this trash I wrote.

Five. My life changed exactly five times before I had the opportunity to fall in love with you, my dearest Laura. Fruit Snack. Cupcake. Creampuff. Laura.

I was two years old when my parents left me at a strange house full of little girls of all ages. I cried for my mother that following night, and after that night I realized my mother had abandoned me. At first, all of the caretakers were in awe of me; they exclaimed how my hair as dark as ebony and skin flawless like porcelain would surely expedite the process of finding me a suitable family. Soon, however, they realized that I would be one of their long-term residents.

I was five years old when Lilita Morgan, a reputable businesswoman, visited my orphanage for charity. She herself had an adopted child: Matska Belmonde. The entire adoption was so public because it happened right after Lilita had lost her husband. The girls I shared a room with always made up tales of Lilita Morgan adopting them like how she had adopted Matska.

It would be that day when my life changed for the first time. Immediately upon her arrival, Lilita Morgan had taken notice in me. All the other girls, especially the girls I shared a room with, were jealous. It would be lunchtime when Lilita Morgan approached me for the first time.

“What is your name, child?” she would ask me after taking a seat next to me. I looked down at my sandwich, suddenly facing the loss of appetite.

“Mircalla Karnstein.” I answered her. She nodded her head enthusiastically and motioned me to keep eating. I hesitantly took a bite out of my sandwich, despite my loss of appetite. She’s not the type of person you would dare to defy.

“Well, Mircalla, I think you have a beautiful name. You are beautiful like a diamond,” she told me, and I couldn’t help but to notice the glittering diamond ring that adorned her finger. She nodded her head vigorously after telling me that, as if it reinforces the idea she put into my head. She watched me finish my sandwich, and once I finished I excused myself to discard the crumbs and wash the plate. Even then, I felt her eyes watching me.

Before she left later that afternoon, she pulled me aside with one of the caretakers. The caretaker bent down to my level and looked at me in the eye in all seriousness. “Mircalla dear, Miss. Morgan here has kindly offered to adopt you. She would like to offer you a good and loving home.”

I looked up at Lilita Morgan, who offered me an encouraging smile. Suddenly, _I’m_ the one dreaming of a new life. I dreamt of Lilita Morgan as my mother, and I dreamt of playing dolls with Matska. “I would like that.” I told the caretaker.

Lilita Morgan would leave with me that night. The moment we stepped outside of the orphanage was when Lilita Morgan reached down to take my hand. The cameras flashed around us, and I felt a little intimidated.

“Are you afraid of the cameras, dear? This is your new reality, Mircalla. You must abandon the past and embrace the future. I suggest you should invent a new version of yourself; _Carmilla_ would suite you quite nicely. You must get used to everything and learn how to play by my rules. You are to call me Maman, and your sister Mattie. I am sure you will enjoy Mattie’s company just as much as I do; she has quite a shining personality. Mattie adjusted just fine on her own, and if she can do it then you can do it too.”

It’s a life I am unaccustomed to; Maman was not kidding when she told me that. Maman imposed strict rules and harsh punishments if the rules are broken - I initially received a lot of attention from the paddle. Despite this, my life had changed for the better. The house we lived in was spacious, the house servants were nice to me, and I had my own bedroom and bathroom. I even had a nanny to take care of me, but I would learn very quickly that Maman is absent more often than not.

When I was seven years old, my life changed for the second time. I told Mattie all about this girl I had a crush on, but she would later inadvertently reveal my crush to Maman, who later took me aside and uttered the fifteen words that would be permanently etched into my brain: “You are a diamond, my darling. Flesh cannot love stone, and stone cannot love flesh.”

I lived by those words and took it to the literal truth. I spent my waking hours perfecting myself through endless hours of practicing instruments and learning different languages. I learned to internalize things I wanted to be kept hidden away from the public eye and only show off the best parts of me. To an extent, I had made it my life’s duty to fulfill all of the things Maman saw in me, and she had high expectations. She expected me to be just as perfect as Mattie, the star of the family with her outstanding educational standings and community contributions. It was easy for Mattie; she was born with natural talents and the grace of a mature woman.

I was fifteen years old when Mattie initiated the first chain of events that changed my life for the third time. It began during one of our routine family dinners with the family of Maman’s late husband. Mattie, who would be attending a University the following year, revealed to Maman her rejection of Silas University for her acceptance of Juilliard School in New York. Maman was so angered that she did not speak for the rest of the dinner.

Maman pushed me harder once Mattie left for New York. She also pushed William, my little brother, also adopted. But by then, William showed a strong aptitude for music and Maman was far more lenient towards William than she was towards me. I was to attend Silas University and take the path my sister was supposed to take. I was to graduate as a lawyer and work for Morgan Corporation. Mattie had assured me before she left that I could always do what she did and pursue my own path in life that deviated from the one Maman had set out for me, but I felt like I could never possibly do that. Maman saved me from a lifetime of sitting in an orphanage, and I was still determined to make Maman proud of me.

When I was eighteen years old, my life changed for the fourth time. It was the second week of my freshman year in an introductory criminal law class when I met Ell. At first glance, she didn’t seem like she would be my Calypso. But she was everything I wasn’t, which was quite an awakening. She taught me that life was more than just pleasing Maman. We went on weekend trips to her father’s beach house where we jet skied and lounged on beach chairs and talked until the early morning. Before long, we shared a mutual liking for each other and I asked her to be my girlfriend.

Our relationship wasn’t very conventional; only a handful knew that we were a thing, and that handful did not include our parents. Cupcake, I already told you what happened weeks before our graduation in our senior year. To this day, I still do not know who told Maman about us or what Maman had told Ell that made Ell go and stupidly get herself killed. She never held in her alcohol well, even when she was in the best of moods.

Although after this incident my life had altered in ways unthinkable before, I did not consider my life changed. My life choices remained the same since I met Ell: I deviated from the set path Maman wanted me to take, except Ell wasn’t part of the picture anymore and I am more adamant to make Maman feel anger just as I had felt when I found out she was why Ell had made herself upset.

When I was twenty-eight years old, my life changed for the fifth time. I met you, Laura. Our first meeting wasn’t spectacular or anything, and I think you can agree with me here, but you stirred something inside of me I had shelved away since Ell’s passing. Care. Interest. Attraction. Something about you made me want to walk up to you and strike up a conversation. Which I did, of course, by messing up your perfectly folded display of store brand tank tops. You were angry, yes, but you also have to admit that it worked.

I never really believed in fate, but as an afterthought our circumstances could be nothing less but fate. Some higher divine power must have set us up in ways that are perfect, because it can’t be entirely coincidental that we met twice before I, or more accurately, my brother, offered you a room in my apartment.

I never meant to fall for you. I don’t think you meant to fall for me either, considering the copious amount of hatred you harbored for me initially. Even when I tried so hard to make you hate me, you never truly did. I think that is what amazes me the most: you always manage to look past the ugly side of things and search for something that is worth liking in a person.

I am sorry I betrayed your heart. In the wise words of Albert Camus, some people “refuse to be happy outside the conditions they seem to have attached to their happiness.” I attach my happiness with the lack of Maman’s presence, and her presence seems to be everywhere in my life. I suppose that is why it is so easy, yet so hard, for me to leave you in pursuit of a life where I can perhaps return to you in full.


End file.
